- The Mutual Breakup
You know that relationship where you’re just kind of sticking together but don’t know why? Maybe you’re just in it because so many people compliment how cute of a couple you make. Maybe you stuck in it because you’re friends and like hanging out…but that’s just it, you’re JUST friends. Generally these breakups are good and easy and you can stay friendly in afterwards.
2. The “Go to Hell” Breakup
This is the nastiest kind of breakup you can have. You probably caught them cheating on you with your best friend, messaging sluts on social media attempting to dirty talk, or just flat out spoke one word to his ex again. Either way, you have plotted out different ways to kill him immediately after. Should you hit him with a car? Spread rumors that he has Syphilis? Have sex with his best friend AND brother? Depending on the crime, there are different ways to get your revenge and you’ve planned them all out thoughtfully. You’ve also blocked his number and blocked him from all social media accounts. It’s a tough breakup, but it will help you appreciate the right person when they come along.
3. The Out-Of-Nowhere Breakup
This is the breakup that feels like you had your heart ripped out, stomped on, and then had your ex did the tango on. It will destroy you. You’re pleased with how your relationship is and think everything is going just swimmingly. Then one day they just break up with you like it should’ve been expected. You can’t figure out for months what went wrong, and are left eating ice cream that tastes like your tears because you’re crying so hard.
4. The Once-A-Week Breakup
You know that couple that everyone refers to as “on-again, off-again”? These breakups are what they are familiar with. You breakup for something stupid (maybe he ate the last of your cheesecake?” and the next day you’re back together. Your friends don’t even bother comforting you anymore because they know you’re just going to get back together.
5. The “FIIIIIINALLY” Breakup
You’re probably in an unhealthy relationship that you stay in for way too long. Everybody says you should break up, but you insist it’s “just a rough patch.” The breakup consists of you two yelling everything both of you have ever done wrong and calling each other extremely crazy names that you’ve been waiting to get off your chest for ages. All of your friends and family start shitting all over them as soon as they hear the good news. They’re basically congratulating you on making such a good life decision.
